What the worst first dates all have in common

Many single individuals have experienced the slow demise of curiosity firsthand: it occurs when you’re on a first date with someone who shows no interest in getting to know you. Or, it can be even worse when you find yourself lacking questions for a potential crush. What’s surprising is that no one intends for these disappointing encounters to happen. Few people consider themselves as uninterested conversationalists, yet these lackluster interactions persist all around the world. So, what’s the deal?

Experts emphasize that the key to successful dating is to be genuinely curious about the person you’re meeting. This can be challenging, especially since many individuals arrive at coffee or drinks dates already armed with too much information. Online resources like Google can easily strip away the mystery of a stranger, while dating apps, with their compatibility algorithms, have flattened our romantic interests. While bad dates were not uncommon before the advent of Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid, these platforms aren’t as effective as they appear in fostering genuine connections. This may explain why a reported 1.4 million users abandoned dating apps last year.

Maintaining a sense of wonder during face-to-face interactions is crucial in truly getting to know someone. Here are some tips on how to keep the excitement of meeting new people alive, including what questions to ask.

The importance of curiosity in dating cannot be stressed enough. Psychologist and relationship expert Alexandra Solomon emphasizes the significance of being inquisitive about a partner’s life, regardless of whether it’s a first date or a long-term relationship. She points out that curiosity is where the spark in a relationship resides. Unfortunately, modern dating tools like apps, Google, and social media platforms often serve as obstacles to curiosity. These platforms encourage users to reveal personal details, creating a false sense of familiarity that may hinder genuine interest in getting to know someone.

Anna Morgenstern, a matchmaker and dating expert, warns against setting unrealistic expectations or looking for flaws in potential partners based on information gleaned from apps. This mindset can lead to missed opportunities and a lack of genuine connection on dates. The constant scrolling through profiles and the exhaustive process of finding a perfect match on dating apps can also contribute to dating fatigue.

To counteract these challenges, some experts suggest going on blind dates or seeking setups through friends and family to introduce an element of surprise and spontaneity into dating. By asking engaging questions and actively listening to the other person, individuals can cultivate curiosity and foster meaningful connections. Despite the obstacles posed by modern dating tools, there are ways to navigate the dating scene with a sense of wonder and openness.